Child to Father

I remember my first thoughts when I realized that I was about to be a father. There was that anxiety from feeling unprepared to handle the new responsibility. This mixed with a joy of being able to shape the life of a person and watch them grow to become whomever they were meant to be. Fear was somewhere in the mix because I didn't know what the hell I was about to do.

Through the ups and downs of waiting on the birth, I was introduced to the fact that I would have a son. I don't know what my first thought was, but somewhere a sense of pride overcame me. This was my opportunity to help raise a boy into a man. Not only that, I began to reflect on my own childhood and what my father taught me. What other males had influenced me to be person that I had become? How well would I perform as a teacher.

Every little prideful moment was locked away in memory. From walking to learning to read, I would swell inside each time I saw my son accomplishing something that society determined to be a prerequisite for being "normal". Normal? What is normal?

My son is now attending public school, and ever since he was in day care, I have been advised on how important it is to make sure that he have respect, have manners, and exercise his knowledge. I've been encouraged to be a positive role model and yada yada yada. I understand all of that, which I will continue to do, but it takes my mind to another train of thought.

I recall my childhood years. One of the many struggles I dealt with was the fact that no matter how intelligent I may be, my behavior would precede me more so than academic achievement. It was easier for people to classify me as the bad black boy than the smart black child if I had "behavior" issues. I noticed this was not particularly the case for my white counterparts. It seemed to be easier to accept a white child that challenged adult authority even if that same child's performance was significantly less than my own. The hole gets deeper. On average the bar was set low for black males in the classroom; simply put not failing was good enough.

Relationships were also a point of displeasure. It may be frowned upon for teens to be sexually active, but as high school students, my friends and I were always reminded of the statutory rape law that could ruin a life if parents felt the need to file charges against a boy for having sex with their daughter even though the two children could have been equally responsible. There were few if any cases of the reverse being true for girls. Besides sex is seen as a celebration for boys and shame for girls. Whom are boys to have sex with then because gay sex is supposed to be greatest evil right?

I cannot dwell on my childhood much in relation to my son's because times have changed. There are new dangers in the world that were not as prevalent when I was young. I still cannot forget the undertones that southern society, and sometimes American society, have put in place to alter the views of a youngster. One that will have to grow up knowing and understanding that there is a glass ceiling but he does not have to respect it. Some children will learn that the world is full of double standards around the same time they are learning to multiply and divide while others may never get to attend that class.