Feel My Vibe

I woke up this morning, and although I said a small prayer to give thanks for another day, anyone watching would not have noticed. There was no ritualistic prep or pose; just a quick moment that passes with a blink of an eye. This has been a habit of mine for years, but it hasn't always been that way. I once desired to study the Word and strive to live "right". No asking for miracles and blessings these days. I now give thanks and look for understanding. So many factors have led to this change in view of faith.

Faith can be described as a belief in something without any proof. All of my life, I have been taught that faith is the cornerstone to Christian belief. Admitting faith alone is not enough to achieve salvation; one has to live faithfully. Doing as we have been told without questioning meaning; seeking understanding only as a means to do our duties as planned by our Higher Power, and always submitting to the Will of God even when our motivations conflict with His ultimate plan. Living life by this mean is difficult when we consider that apparently humans are created flawed, sinners.

Fate, on the other hand, is the principle that an event or series of events are predetermined and thus unavoidable. This too is played out in the Christian belief structure. Christians are taught that Old Testament of the Bible stands as a series of books foreshadowing the coming of Christ. The events detailed from Genesis to Malachi were set in stone from "In the beginning...." Every good soul and every hardened heart were allowed by God in order for His will to progress.

Some would call me one of little faith, because now I'm one confused individuals. I being told that all the good that comes into my life is provided by God as a reward to give me joy, but the pain I feel is a part of a test that God allows to make my spirit stronger. Think on this, God allowed for evil to come into our life as a test; during these times, our faith is being tested. This doesn't matter if we're considered a faithful person beforehand (see The Book of Job). In other words, pray for sunshine all you want, but one day it sure will rain. Keep your umbrella close.

I've gone back to read the Bible to note a few characters that were doomed to fail regardless of how they lived their life. This can be true whether the reader takes the Good Book literal or not. The Egyptian pharaoh and Judas played key roles in God's plan. Even Adam & Eve were designed with flaw. No matter what, someone had to fill the shoes of these historical figures to move the story along.  Throughout the book, there are tales of people who fell short of God's glory, or did they?

Still confused, but a since of clarity has passed through this head of mine. There are some days that I am a blessing to those that I contact; others, I am a menace. It is not my choice to determine which I will be today. I can only do has been planned for the day. No matter how many times I pray to do right, I will still pour a glass of alcohol and spit vulgar words to help describe my disgust with my day. I can set out to be the most evil muthfucka this side of glory, and I still will try to help my race be better than the stereotypes.

This is too much to think about. Lord, teach me to understand as you carry out your plan. Amen.

"I am a sinner. Who's probably gonna sin again. Lord forgive me; Lord forgive me. Things I don't understand. Sometimes I need to be alone. Bitch, don't kill my vibe." -Kendrick Lamar

Diversity of Thought

Warning: This post will ask you to question everything you have ever been taught. The subject is very sensitive among many, and if you are a defensive type, please do not take this the wrong way. This is not a case of shaken Faith but one of someone noticing what's really going on.


Here's a dream I had recently:

There were seven influential individual that were viewed as good an wholesome people. For the most part, they were friends and worked together to solve their problems, overcome enemies, and support the weak. One by one, they all began to be influence by their own interests. Although they acted as individuals rather than a team, I considered their actions to still be in line with the original goal of the group.

 I observed how the main enemy actually represented a neutral view rather than wickedness that I once believed through my interaction with the friends. Slowly, I began to notice how the group never overcame any problems but pushed their issues on to others. I finally saw that they were not supporting the weak but ostracizing people that did not share the same motivations as these seven friends. The divide among the members continued to show the truth in the character of each as well as their good intentions.

 The end of the dream contained images of a war and the bodies of fighters as well as civilians that were considered as collateral damage. Context clues would suggest that the individuals were world leaders of sort. The enemy they fought was the idea of personal freedom and was represented by a woman draped in a navy blue from head to toe only revealing her mouth. The casualties that I witnessed were not faceless souls but people that I have known or know in life. I jumped up as the images of destruction continued to flood my mind.

 I wish I could understand my dreams and their origins on most nights. This particular one came rather easy through images and the dialog that I recall. The clues that led me to understand that the friends were world leaders also introduced me to the idea that their friendship was rooted in a religious belief. The growth and interpretation of that belief is what caused to act on individual goals. I found it interesting once I gather my thoughts because I went to sleep thinking about ways to convey this thought.

I have been raised to know that only one way of living is the "right" way to live. There is only one "true" believe. All others will not grant one happiness. Throughout life, I have noticed how that one way is viewed from so many different angles and that only one of these angles are actually correct though. This one tree of life has sprouted many branches, only one of which will grant the Perfect Fruit, and has many roots, only one of which was sprouted from the original Seed. 

During my Papa Smurf phase, there was this one particular church that was a pillar of influence in my small community. The day came that the long time pastor stepped down, and the members were faced with the decision of finding a replacement. There two major opinions for the future of the institution that could not be resolved to the point that a whole new church was established. What could be so unresolvable that would cause people to invest their time, money, and effort (none of which will have much tangible return) on such an undertaking? Pride? Dignity? Faith?

I have lived in the Bible Belt for most of my life, and the one consistent fact is that there are churches everywhere. No matter how scarce the population, it is not uncommon to see multiple places of worship within a few miles of one another. All seek to worship The Almighty while remaining open to new souls. Each church was founded on a particular set of principles and may be governed a central body. One may ask why are there so many different institutions serving the same purpose in such small communities; the answer to which is the interpretation of teachings. Some people try to downplay this diversity of thought, but the differences are enough to poke holes in the belief structure of the religion altogether.

As time passes and people die, few will remember the beginnings of the institutions and will romanticize the motivations of the founders when in actuality those emotions were rooted in a difference of opinion that could not be resolved. My mind cannot help but make the jump to the formation of organized religion on a holistic level. The Jewish, Christian, and Islamic views of worship are so similar that they can all be separated by a simple difference of opinion by a close group of friends who became influenced by personal goals. The translation of ancient languages can easily be shifted to support these difference. People often glaze over this fact all while perpetuating that this is a game of everlasting life vs. eternal damnation. Siding with the wrong side could be soulfully fatal; being neutral is just as bad. 

These games of opinions have made people put their mortal lives at stake as they have been used as a driver of wars. These lives have been sacrificed to support a diversity of thought because in some cases, they are afraid to develop their own or challenge the status quo. Here's something to think about...What if we're all wrong (Christian, Jew, Muslim, Buddhist, atheist, etc) about what is expected of us?  That's just my opinion so take it for what it's worth.