The Plight of the Magical Negro

I ventured to escort Mrs. AbrACEive during a Celebration of Achievement. As we waited, I quizzed her on the purpose of the program and the attire for the evening. She responded by telling me that the event will be a ceremony where I will give here a ribbon to commemorate her pending graduation. From the email, the attire was dress or "churchy" (exact word). I knew then that this was about to be some classic fuckery, not to be confused with low class fuckery.


Here are my thoughts throughout the program:

• So how is this gonna work? I know we're not going to have the program in this dusty band hall so they must tell us what's going on.
• I thought they said business attire. Why is this nigga wearing jeans? I like women in wedge heels but not all wedge heels are business attire and neither is that short ass skirt.
• That looks like a chick from twitter. 
• This woman is asking where she knows me from. Bitch I don't know you...oh you come in the store? Nah, I still don't know you. So what if you come in to complain all the time, I still don't know you.
• Wait a minute! This is a minority achievement program. There is no rhyme or reason to this shit, but I need to know what's the criteria to receive an award.
• A 3 PIECE SUIT!!! Niggas love to wear these 3 piece suits to shit. Get a fuckin' pair of pants and a sportcoat dawg.
• I remembered interviewing this Julian cat for a job a long time ago. What color is that suit he's wearing?
• Okay, I really need to know how this shit is gonna work. Oh, picture time? Nah, white nigga, I am not getting in this picture so quit asking me to move closer.
• You gotta be shittin' me! The only requirement to get an award is to be a minority graduating this semester? Fuck ya'll for this bullshit.
• I'm glad I'm not this first nigga because I'd fuck this shit all the way up,  especially since they are clearly not going to tell us what the fuck is going to happen.
• Who the fuck organized these numbers this way? I get it, but it's confusing to the average person. It must have been one of these smart niggas showing off again. Shout out to the smart niggas trying to take over and make everybody else look dumb.
• So now we're on our way to this auditorium. This nigga Julian is wearin' a pewter suit. That's the color.
• Where's my seat? Another smart nigga fuckin around I see. This shit is all out of sequence.
• That's that Macho Man music. Oh yea!
• I need to create a twitter app that posts selected thoughts when I can't break out the phone because this nigga Julian is wearing the hell out of a platinum suit like it ain't nothin.
• I don't know why y'all sitting down because this dude is about to sing the Alma Mater. Put a tie on damn lil nigga.
• This white lady is here to let us know that us niggas have permission to celebrate at her school.
• Okay these reflections are from the graduates.
• The first Black senior class president? In 2012? I don't even know if you can blame that on the ISM. Ole Miss just has that stigma forever no matter what they do. Sometimes I equate this school with the Tea Party...sometimes.
• These niggas are saying how proud they are to be a Black graduate of a school with a racist heritage...they just allowed the Klan to have a rally on campus in the last year. These white folks are laughing in your face and telling you that you can have this degree nigga because we're taking this money to the bank.
• Okay, all these speakers are a bunch of Magical Negros. I remember when I was that same Magical Nigga. I wonder what the white ushers are thinking about this shit.
• Did this nigga just implore the graduates to stay in Mississippi? Has he not seen that this is not a progressive state? These entitled muthafuckas don't want us here.
• I wonder if the white kids are having a Right of Passage ceremony.
• This nigga Julian is wearin' Puffy's suit from the All About the Benjamen's video. That shit is pewter/platinum/chrome.
• This shit has just inspired a new blog post...

I was too the Magical Nigga. People gas you up because you're the first Black person to do something that they feel is big like graduating college. College isn't hard because it's a numbers game. When you figure that shit out you're in there. The big thing about college is  financing. It's stressful as hell trying to stay focused when you don't know if you're going to be able to pay for the next semester of work. Also, you can't turn in too many low grades before the institution restricts your financial aid thus leaving you to pay from pocket.

I've long since dropped the flag of the Magical Nigga when I learned that it's only respected by other Negros. Those from the privilege world don't give a shit about those achievements. They operate by a different set of rules as does most of the world. I once overheard a woman ask her acquaintance if the friend's company had an internship position because her granddaughter needs one in order to graduate. The acquaintance replied, "We don't have an internship program, but we will make one for her. Just call me so we can set it up." Yes that's the way it works. I'm sure that granddaughter can be a "C" student and still get that phantom internship.

Speaking of "C" students, another plight that the Magical Negro must face is that most times they will fall under the supervision of a this type of person. One that doesn't have the specific aptitude but some kind of intangible that others hold in in higher regard than mental capability. I can't tell you how many times I've called someone in my chain of authority an idiot because of decisions that were made through uneducated guessing and perceived experience.

 Finally, I'm not shittin' on education and achievement. I'm tired of minorities viewing it as the end-all-be-all. I promote and encourage people to be well rounded. Quit relying on scholastic accomplishments alone. In between school terms, learn some other shit, connect with array of people, diversify, take time to learn from those that you deem as uneducated because they have something to give. Let's stop honoring ourselves for some shit that anyone can do if the right investment and effort is put forth.